So. The good news is that I was offered an internship.
The bad news is that I did *kinda* bad on the exam.
It wasn't terrible, but can you believe I missed two sentences!? Like really. I translated the text and missed two friggen sentences. And it was a relatively easy translation! I can't say I'm mad at myself, because that wouldn't be fair. But I feel disappointed that I gave such a bad first impression. I'm lucky they still want me as an intern.
My main issue here, however, is that this is not the first time something like this happens to me. And I've done enough therapy to know that it's related to not feeling like I "deserve" it. I KNOW I deserve it, but deep down a automatic belief is still interfering. Yep, years later and still struggling with those old (false) beliefs.
I admit, in a professional setting, I still struggle to feel equal.
It's not really a conscious thing, it's more an automatic thing.
I'm just bringing it to my consciousness now because I've done enough
self-work to know what belief is dominating here.
The truth is, I have talents and I have gifts to share; just like everyone else. I do not need to sabotage myself, whether consciously or unconsciously. I can show what I can do, with pride (and humility too.)