Friday, August 29, 2014

Life is filled with change & growth

I read a quote lately that went something like "A person who views the world the same as she did many years ago has wasted many years of life."

Boy oh boy am I ever facing this life lesson right now.

This summer I haven't just been taking care of my newborn son. I've also been ironing out my resume, putting together cover letters and applying for full-time work. This has been our plan for the past two years while I was finishing my Translation degree.  Even when we unexpectedly got pregnant last year, we kept going and thought this was the best plan in the world.

A couple of weeks ago, I was pulled into a job competition and was basically told I got the job when they called me in for an interview (long story). Great news, right? Aaaall our hard work finally paying off. Not only was this job a GREAT career opportunity, but financially, it was ideal. We would be more than doubling our income. We were thinking more house renovations, (much needed) new car, perhaps a family vacation for next year, just to name a few of the things from our "wants" list.

Seeing that a full-time job was in my close future, I started weaning off my baby from breastfeeding. My husband, who is on paid parental leave from his job (yes, we're very lucky and so grateful for this!), also started getting ready mentally for the transition. He would be becoming a full-time stay-at-home-Dad until his parental leave is done at the end of January.  This was all part of our plan.

The night before my interview, I was nursing my 4-month old son and he looked up at me with the sweetest most loving smile. His eyes were full of love. I saw in his eyes that I'm his whole world. And it hit me, a heart-wrenching sadness. I DON'T WANT TO return to full-time work right now. I WANT to stay with my baby. Actually there is nothing I want more than that.

This was not our plan and I fought it in my head and heart for so long telling myself "I can do this. This is so easy, I will go back to work full-time and move on with my career, and baby can stay home with Dad for the first nice months, and then we can get a nanny, and we'll have lots of money to do lots of fun stuff."

Yea right.

That night after I put Kaid to sleep, hubby walks into the nursery to check up on us. I was so scared to tell him how I felt. I didn't want to disappoint him when he was counting on me. He spent the last two years supporting us financially. We all have worked SO HARD and made ginourmous sacrifices as a family for me to pursue this dream of working as a translator.

But once I said the words out loud, "I don't want to stop breastfeeding and leave my baby", I knew my husband "got it". I didn't need to say more. He looked at me approvingly and said "ok". Can we say "big weight off my shoulders!?"

I cannot tell you the amount of stress that left my body once I verbalized what had just come to my consciousness.

Hubby even shared with me the next day that he felt relieved I was going to be home with baby. (We did agree that I would take on some local part-time hours though. Something not too far from home that would allow me to keep breastfeeding. Stay tuned for a future post about the perfect part-time job I found!  Yes, I am blessed.)

Life has a way of humbling us. It is filled with change and growth. And "A person who views the world the same as she did many years ago has wasted many years of life.”  One thing is for sure is that I didn't waste the past two years; I feel so different.  Having my baby boy has changed my heart and it reorganized our priorities.  And that's ok.

Now I just have to let go and let Life guide me into the "unplanned".

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Kaid - 3 months

(Hi friends and readers!  Sorry I haven't been around the past couple of weeks.  I was on vacation and just came back a few days ago.  I have been reading your blogs though, just not posting from mine!  I'm looking forward to sharing with you a bunch of different posts that I have in the works.)

My baby is not a newborn anymore.  He turned 3 months on August 4.

His little personality is really shining through and it's so much fun to see.  We're getting to know him better too, so we're not freaking out as much when he has one of his crying fits. When we first witnessed this, we thought something was seriously wrong because he would SCREAM so loud out of the blue...but learned with time that he does this when he's very tired. It makes sense. Little humans are only starting to experience the discomforts of life (such as being over sleepy) and that's how Kaid expresses it. It never lasts long anyway. Now that we know what it is, we usually try to help him fall asleep.

This past month we also tried formula.  We chose an organic brand and at this point, we give him about 4 ounces a day on average.  I'm still breastfeeding full-time though (and pumping/freezing some of my milk for when I go back to work).  I haven't decided if/when I'll be stopping for good or if I'll be doing part-time breastfeeding (like morning and before bed type thing).

Here are some of the photos from this past month.




Monday, August 4, 2014

Our 2nd anniversary with wedding movie

Today is our 2nd wedding anniversary.  Time flies. Really.  I almost feel a bit melancholic about it!  But I'm not; I'm just tired from the sleep-deprivation of the past 3 months.  Nonetheless, it was a happy day!

My oldest son was at a cottage with friends, so Sean, Kaid (baby) and I spent the day downtown.  We had lunch, then walked around taking photos and laughing.  Ottawa is such a beautiful city!  We almost got caught in a big rain storm, but got to the car in time.  Kaid seemed amused by us having so much fun.  It was his first outing to the city walking around the Byward Market. (I've been living in this area for 19 years now and still LOVE going downtown to the market.  It's just beautiful.)

Anyhow, to me it just feels like the past couple of years since our wedding have just gone by so fast.  I remember always hearing older people say this "time flies!"  I guess I'm getting old too.  But I'm grateful.   I'm grateful for the time we have together.  Mostly, I'm grateful to have such a loving man as my husband.

So what have we done in the past two years of marriage?  We made it work on one salary after I left my job to go back to uni; we managed to travel to Cuba with family for one awesome vacation; we celebrated our first anniversary in Lake Placid NY; we got pregnant unexpectedly; we sold our house; we moved to another town (still close to Ottawa though); we had a baby; I graduated; we lost our cat Flynn (rest in peace big boy) :( and we are now spending the summer at home, together, as a family (I being jobless and hubby being on parental leave for 9 months).

Since we don't have extra money this summer to do something big for our anniversary, I surprised Sean with a wedding movie that I made.  I think it might've *almost* made him cry.

Click to play this Smilebox slideshow

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The Sunday Currently - August 3

Lots going on this week!  On the 4th, which is tomorrow, Kaid will be 3 MONTHS OLD!!  My baby is officially not a newborn anymore.  Not sure how I feel about that!  I mean, there's a quarter of his first year right there.  *Sniff*

Also tomorrow is our 2nd wedding anniversary!  It's pretty awesome that we're both on parental leave this summer so we can fully enjoy our day, together (and with baby of course!)  Two years ago today, we were having a rehearsal dinner with family and friends.

August 3, 2012 - Rehearsal dinner

Then on Thursday, I'm writing an exam for a potential job.  **crossing fingers that this is the perfect job for me**

And on Friday, ROAD TRIP!  I'm already making a list of everything I need to bring for 10 days away with baby... I have a feeling my small Mazda 3 will be FULL.


R E A D I N G :  Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom.

W R I T I N G : Inspirational prayers.

T H I N K I N G : about the road trip I will be taking (leaving this Friday!) with my two boys.  It's just me and the boys this time!  We're going to visit friends and family in New-Brunswick.  Husband won't be able to make it out this summer. 

H O P I N G : I do well on the written exam on Thursday for that (potential) job!

L O V I N G : The changes to my blog... I had a few things adjusted in the past week.  A big thank you to Amanda at The Suitcase Designs who did a wonderful job.

W A N T I N G : To lose another 10 lbs of my post-pregnancy weight.

N E E D I N G : To stop needing things and stuff.  Because "stuff" clutters my life. 

 F E E L I N G : Excited about celebrating our 2-year wedding anniversary tomorrow!!  I can't wait to show Sean the movie I made of our wedding.


Saturday, August 2, 2014

Kaid's 2 Month Update (catch-up)

{ Month 2 }  

T H I S   M O N T H   K A I D:

Attended Mom's graduation.  He cried the whole time so my husband wasn't able to see me get my diploma.  He had to wait outside the gallery with baby.  Fun times! But we were totally expecting that though.

Started to hold his head up pretty good!

 Got his first vaccinations :(

He also successfully latched on to a bottle (with maternal milk).  We wanted Sean to be able to feed him too.  I like the that it gives me a bit more freedom to go out without baby once in awhile and have Dad give him a bottle.  It took a few tries, but we finally found a bottle that Kaid liked: the Playtex nurser but using these bottle nipples. (*note: as I write this we're into his 3rd month and we have since changed to Madela Calma nipples because he started having nipple confusion.  So we're trying the Madela ones now in hopes that I can still breastfeed AND give a bottle once in awhile It's working well so far!)

Kaid wakes up on average 2-3 times a night.  He usually falls right back asleep after a feeding.  We've started taking him out more.  I'm realizing that things get easier every week.  The more we know his likes and dislikes, the easier it is to answer his needs and establish (some kind of) routine.

Read his birth story here: Kaid's Birth Story